When in Rome (quarantine), do as the Romans do (drink what’s in the fridge).
I’ve gone back and forth on how similar I really think hard seltzer is to beer. In some ways they’re similar — low ABV, easy availability, brewed by breweries, and so on.
But hard seltzer is very different from beer. For example, everybody wants to treat the two as competing industries. Forbes pointed out that hard seltzer outsold craft beer 12-packs over a 52-week period. You also can’t be a beer drinker and open up a hard seltzer without a disclosure.
“I want something to cleanse my palate between barrel-aged stouts.”
“I only drink them because my girlfriend buys them.”
“Hard seltzers are barely even alcoholic, anyway.”
Whatever your excuse, you’re on this page and that means you must be interested in hard seltzer or, at the very least, White Claw.
I personally enjoy hard seltzer and, upon running out of things to write about, wanted to write about the new White Claw flavors. Here are my impressions on the new flavors. Enjoy.
4. Tangerine
In the first White Claw variety pack, people all had their preferences. However, one flavor was almost always voted the worst: lime. Yup, don’t know why, but nobody I know enjoys the lime flavor. If I had to peg a “lime” for the new White Claw variety pack, I’d say it’s tangerine. This isn’t to say I didn’t like it — I thought it was soft and mellow with a nice citrus zing. Not too acidic, but not too subtle. I’m mostly just making this my “calling it now,” just in case I’m right.
Tangerine: good, but you’ll probably forget about it after you drink it.
3. Mango
I’m going to go ahead and assume that mango is going to be the most popular of the bunch. Why? Because it has six packs readily available in stores. It’s a nice seltzy with a sweet, tangy flavor, kind of similar to Tang. I didn’t even think this tasted like mango. After being spoiled with delicious mangoes in Chile, I found that the Mango White Claw tasted more like blood orange.
I think the Blood Orange White Claw flavor will be the most popular.
2. Watermelon
Ho ho ho, oh boy. This guy. Watermelon White Claw has more in common with a Watermelon Jolly Rancher than the fruit it’s supposedly based off. This thing is real fruity, but not in a watermelon way. It’s fruity in a, “this candy tastes kind of like it could be similar to a fruit” way. I guess if your goal is enjoying candy that tastes like alcohol (?), the Watermelon White Claw is a step up from vodka soaked gummy bears.
If you couldn’t guess, this was my least favorite of the bunch.
1. Lemon
Sometimes things just make sense. Imagine a non-alcoholic seltzer water. What does it taste like? Probably water, but with a small little something-something to enjoy. That’s the Lemon White Claw through and through. This drink is crisp and clean, almost like a Fresca. It’s the most simple and satisfying of the bunch. I bet most people will hate this flavor for its “boringness,” but I salute Lemon’s simple and unabashed brilliance. Bravo, lemon.
I implore you — drink Lemon White Claw over any other flavor. Treat yourself.
Overall White Claw V.2 Impression
Here we are. I wrote an entire review of the new White Claw flavors and, if you’re reading this now, you read that review. Who would have thought it would come to this.
All jokes aside, I like White Claw and other seltzer waters. I still haven’t tried Bud Lite Seltzer or Corona’s version, and I have no plans to. White Claw, among other seltzy makers, give us more than we need. Hard seltzer will never overtake beer because it’s bound by its own simplicity. Alcohol water + flavor = boozy seltzer. You can’t add, subtract, or divide this equation. Only multiply to make more hard seltzer.
But hey, hard seltzer is fun. If we’re ever allowed to go to a beach in 2020, wouldn’t you want to enjoy something cold, crisp, light, and alcoholic? Sure, the flavors get boring, but hard seltzer will always have its purpose, and there’s no shame in enjoying it.
If you want hard seltzer and feel bored by the lack of options, give White Claw’s new variety pack a chance.
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