Every now and then, my friends and I drink and review beers we have no business drinking or reviewing. This review features me, Devon, Conner, James and Kellan (also check out his beer podcast, Hoppy on Broadway).
Unicorn Tears by Fremont Brewing
ABV: 12.9% IBU: 40
Thomas
Opinion: If unicorns cried tears of beer, I would hope this isn’t it. This beer is strong and god damn, that would hurt coming out of the eyeball. Drinking those tears, on the other hand, would be an absolute pleasure. Fremont Brewing does well with their barrel aged stuff, and this is my first exposure to Perennial. For anyone who needs an easy way into barrel aged stouts, this would be ideal.
Score: 7.5/10
Devon
Opinion: First sip it was like drinking cherry maple syrup. Super sweet on the front, then almost classic Fremont B-bomb on the back. The nose smells like a freshly lacquered oak cabinet. When the beer warms up, the beer balances nicely with the sweet cherries and you are left with a delightful boozy dessert stout. Don’t fear the tears. Unicorns are real and so is this beer.
Score: 7/10
Conner
Opinion: Upfront the nose is very sweet and cherry forward, slightly boozy. The taste matches that nose and is very sweet upfront, but becomes more mellow as it warms up. I don’t think this beer deserves the criticism it’s received, but I can understand the issue with the sweetness. Definitely one of those adjunct stouts that needs to be shared amongst 4-5 people.
Score: 6.5/10
James
Opinion: Smells boozy and fruity. Didn’t remember tasting cherry off the tap, but out of the bottle it’s definitely a cherry bomb. Sweet, with a maraschino cherry or raisin flavor off the back end. Mellows out after it crosses the palate and ends smooth. Would not want more than about 8oz max in a sitting. Better as it warms. Also, they should put the glitter IN the wax because those sparkly fuckers get everywhere every time you move the damn bottle. Fin.
Score: 7.5/10
Kellan
Opinion: A nice, moderately-thick brew with tasty hints of cherry, but definitely too sweet for my taste. This shit almost has an old coke flavor, something that’s been open on the back porch for a couple hours after you remembered there’s beer at the BBZ and you don’t have to drink cola. It reminds me a bit of cough syrup. This sounds like I’m just totally shitting on it, but it has some redeeming qualities. Other than the over-sweetening, I do like the taste of this dark beer kinda. Too bad it’s not actual unicorn blood, that shit’s the key to immortality.
Score: 5/10
Aggregate: 6.7/10
Corinth by Holy Mountain Brewing
ABV: 5.4% IBU: None
Thomas
Opinion:
This is sour beer
To drink this is a pleasure
Gotta love the beers
A haiku is the only thing that should describe this beer. The sourness is definitely sour, but poetically so. If you like sour beers, you might consider murdering a human being for this beer. If you don’t like sours then you’ll taste it and say, “oh, that’s sour.” No matter what, if you want a sour, sour, sour beer, drink this if you can.
Score: 8/10
Devon
Opinion: This beer really separates the men from the boys. It’s a real face pucker. When it warms up you get a nice sweetness from the black currants. In typical Holy Mountain fashion, it’s super jammy and has a dark blood red color. At the end of the day, this beer is one sour ass motherfucker waiting to be unleashed to punish your insides. #getyourtumsready
Score: 6/10
Conner
Opinion: This beer is a beautiful, unapologetic, sour beast. The black currants work perfectly in this and creates a floral, fruity, and funky beer. Really an amazing offering from HM.
Score: 8/10
Name: James
Opinion: I was told this is an enamel burner. That’s dramatic, Conner. Nose: both fruity and floral. Dive on in and damn, dunno if it’s the bottle or what but it was surprisingly sparkly. Like champagne fizz. Tart as all hell and in an awesome way. A true puckerer with a dry finish. This is going to get my highest rating of the night, but maybe I just like sours more than stouts.
Score: 9/10
Kellan
Opinion: This is a delicious sour. It’s just the right amount of lightness and juiciness. I don’t know what the fuck a Corinth is, but this shit is basically raspberries. I’ll be honest: Holy Mountain makes good beers, but their bottle design is SOOOO boring. Like we get it, you’re minimalistic, but your bottle design for this looks like you took a picture of a marble tabletop. But we’re not reviewing design, we’re reviewing beer, and this beer is good. My favorite of the night by far.
Score: 8/10
Aggregate: 7.8/10
Midnight Still by Holy Mountain Brewing
ABV: 12.5% IBU: None
Thomas
Opinion: This beer was NOT very tasty cold. It reminded me of when I was a kid and would put coins in my mouth because I was bored. Now that I’m an adult, I’ve stopped doing that and drink tinny beers. As it warms, it’s classic Holy Mountain. Also as it warms, it becomes…awesome. A solid barrel aged stout, can’t go wrong with it – just don’t drink it ice cold.
Score: 8.5/10
Devon
Opinion: I love the simplicity of this beer. They weren’t trying to reinvent the wheel with this one. Heavy oak on the nose with a smooth front and subtle whiskey finish. Let it warm up a bit and this stout will go down smoother than butter.
Score: 8/10
Name: Conner
Opinion: This is everything I expect from a world class barrel aged stout from Holy Mountain. Simple, boozy, smooth. The key to this beer is letting it warm up, I thought it tasted best 5-10 minutes after pouring.
Score: 8.5/10
James
Opinion: Opens way up as it warms. Sweet but booze takes over before it’s overbearing. Reminds me of my old-people fetish. This has aged in hard wood, man.
Score: 8/10
Kellan
Opinion: Now that’s a nice, smooth dark beer. Definitely like the booziness and it’s thick consistency. Chocolatey, bit of espresso taste in there. It’s like that can of Hershey’s syrup, but beer, and good. It’s a bit too thick though, I don’t love beer that moves slowly down your throat, it reminds me of those dark times working the corner in Burien. All jokes aside, it’s a good beer.
Score: 6.5/10
Aggregate: 7.9/10
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Do you have the ABV and IBU of each of the beers tasted? Just curious how that might have an effect on the taste reaction.
Kim,
These beers weren’t particularly bitter, but had a huge range on ABV! I’ll edit to include that all that info.
Awesome! Thank you.