Doing Dry January? These Drinks Don’t Suck

Toward the end of the year, there are countless reasons to drink. Holiday parties, holidays with the family, holidays alone, bad weather…countless reasons. December ends, January comes, and you decide that Dry January is the only way to try and save those brain cells you left for dead.

There’s nothing wrong with Dry January. I know plenty of people who have done it and enjoyed it thoroughly. I’m doing it and it’s fine.

But the hardest part of Dry January? Finding a suitable replacement when you’re craving a refreshing beer.

Don’t fret, I’m here to give you some good non-alcoholic drinks that don’t suck.

Disclaimer: I won’t waste any of our time by saying “drink non-alcoholic beer.” I’ve never had one I liked, and if you have had one that you liked then you might as well power through as many of those as you can any time of the year since it’s healthier than drinking regular beer.

On to the list.

Iced tea with lemon

I’ve had tea at least once every single day this January, and I’m planning on upping my dosage as the month continues. I typically stick to green tea since it’s simple to make, but I’ve found that iced tea with lemon is the best tea option.

Hear me out.

Iced tea is cold. Beer is cold. Iced tea has a nice bitter flavor. Many beers have a bitter flavor. Iced tea is accentuated with citrus. Plenty of beers pair well with citrus. They’re like cousins that have some things in common but never hang out.

There are essentially 0 drawbacks to iced tea with lemon, and you can scarf these bad boys down like you would brews.

Seltzer water

One guilty pleasure of mine over the past year has been alcoholic seltzer waters. They’re crisp, refreshing and, if you shop right, affordable. Also, because most are technically malt beverages, they’re essentially beer without hops and barley. But more on that some other day.

How do you replace alcoholic seltzer water? With non-alcoholic seltzer water, aka seltzer water. There are basically endless flavors and brands, so just pick the best one for you. Also, this is a much healthier habit to have than drinking alcoholic seltzer waters. Isn’t the point of Dry January to be healthy, anyway?

Sports drinks

The other night I was at a party where there were three (3) of us Dry Januaryers. I was drinking tea, one was drinking sparkling water and the other Powerade. Here was his sports drink logic:

Everybody at that party would wake up feeling horrible. He would wake up feeling nutrient-rich and ready to go.

Sports drinks are essentially the pettiest Dry January drink to have at a party and I loved it. Sometimes, those little petty things that you do for yourself are the only things that keep you going. Anything to get through the month.

Drinks like Gatorade, Powerade, etc. are total winners. And they’re (relatively) healthy.


Did you know that 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated? Did you know that being dehydrated makes you more pissed off? Did you know that drinking water helps you lose weight?

Yup, water fixes everything. Hell, water is even one of the four allowed ingredients in the German Beer Purity Law. Without water, no beer.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking something like, “water sucks.” Well, I say that water doesn’t suck because it’s too plain to suck. Water isn’t bad, it’s just…water.

Also, you can do anything with water. You can put fruit in it and be fancy. You can freeze it and watch dogs eat it. You can make it hot and cook potatoes, among other foods.

Water is essentially the Morgan Freeman of drinks. No matter how much of it there is, nobody ever complains that it’s ruining anything.

Don’t drink soda

I feel like I need to add this. Whatever you do, don’t replace beer with soda. Other than covering up the flavor of really cheap liquor, soda has no redeeming qualities. It costs money, it’s syrupy, it’s stupid…oh, and it’s really bad for you.


There you have it – things you ought to drink other than alcohol to try and keep yourself from going crazy.

Wait, who are we kidding? It’s basically impossible to just stop drinking beer for the sake of it. These drinks are far from great replacements and compared to beer they pretty much all suck. But hey, if anything this has given you new resolve. Right?

Got a drink that’s helping you through Dry January? Leave it in the comments below!

Thomas Short
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